Instead, he cleverly changed his work info on FB, wrote a status update and in an email to approximately 80 people (including many faculty like Dr.Add'EmUp) informing them he was now on the job market. Although many knew about the weird politics that surrounded his last 6 months, HippieHusband has never said a negative word. Why? Because this isn't about the past and the circumstances under which he left, this is about getting that next job. And it turns out this was really smart. He has received about three different job ads as a result of people knowing that he left his job.
I, however, remain rampage-ridden.
Partly because he was treated so badly and partly because three weeks have passed and NO ONE at SmallUniversity has said a single word to me about HippieHusband leaving. And it's not that they don't know. This is a small world network, you can bet that faculty in the department at SmallUniversity know exactly what happened back in November. I think many are embarrassed by their colleague, his behaviour, and the distasteful outcome. Whatever the reason, it speaks to the dysfunction of this department.
But I did have to broach the subject of us leaving the university sooner rather than later. Last Friday, I met with Dr. Add'EmUp to tell him that I've started applying to other places. It went something like this,
Girlpostdoc: "You know that I have really enjoyed working with you. I feel that we have a mutually respectful, intellectually engaging, and quite a productive relationship. And you must have heard about HippieHusband's situation?"
Dr.Add'EmUp: "Oh yes."
Girlpostdoc: "Well, HippieHusband and I are a package. And so I'm looking for work elsewhere."
Dr.Add'EmUp: "You have to do what you have to do."
Girlpostdoc: "Can I use you as a reference then?"
Dr.Add'EmUp: "Of course."
Although superficially the conversation does not belie a problem, I have to wonder why Dr.Add'EmUp did not mention even in an understated way, how sorry he was that this situation arose. If only to say, "Yes, it was an unfortunate circumstance. I'm sorry that we'll be losing you." But then, perhaps that's the reason I'm still angry. It isn't just about how SmallUniversity has treated HippieHusband, but I feel like it's a direct reflection of how they value me too.
During our yearly evaluation, Dr.Add'EmUp told me that other faculty were so envious of him and HippieHusband's supervisor because they both had independent-thinking, productive, and smart postdocs. The complaint was that it was hard to attract postdocs like that to SmallUniversity.
Geez, I wonder why?
3 comments:
From what I read in your convo with Dr Add'EmUp, he isn't happy. For Dr Add'EmUp not show any sympathy despite your good working relationship is rather odd. I totally understand why you are unhappy.
My PhD supervisor & prof treated me as if I were invisible after I told them that I have accepted a Post Doc position. They consistently spoke of the future in front of me and would say things like, "Oh you won't be here anymore".."After you leave...". I felt so abandoned. I was still contributing to the department, working really hard! Does my time there not count for anything just because I was leaving? My supervisor & me started to have more intensive arguments over the tinniest things.
A post doc friend suggested that this is a normal reaction for some bosses (prob insecure ones?). They can't cope with the fact that good people are leaving. Like you, my PhD was done in a very small dept that has difficulty attracting good student/people.
I hope you feel better!
@JH
I did my PhD at LargeUniversityinCanada and I don't remember the faculty acting so dysfunctional. That said, as a PhD student at LUC, I have never heard of something like what happened to HippieHusband happening to a postdoc there.
It's clear he's not happy and he has good reason to be - without tooting my own horn too loudly, I'm essentially running his lab.
Perhaps your supervisor doesn't want to let on how much he depends upon you and what a blow it is that you will be leaving his lab? Kinda odd, I know, but I can see that as a reaction. In general, the PIs I've met have been emotionally reserved people who disliked expressing themselves frankly.
I'm sorry for you and your husband's situation, and your disappointment at others' reactions. I think friends just don't know what to say, so they say nothing. It's odd; my last lab is collapsing completely, postdocs are getting laid off, and the whole thing will probably shut down by next year. And people are so embarassed to say anything about it at all. Last week I asked someone why a particular postdoc wasn't at the department retreat, and the other person just got very quiet and then said, "Oh, he was let go," as though it was just a horrible embarassment. Funding problems happen; shit happens. I don't see it as embarassing (it's academic life) but apparently a lot of people do and prefer to avoid mentioning it.
I hope you and your husband find a good place soon.
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