O ye of bloated ego.

Today GuruofSmallThings stopped by my office to talk science. She's a really clever scientist with lots of very cool ideas. The most effective thing about her is that she is capable of translating her ideas into well designed experiments that have real-world relevance. Until recently she spent a lot of her time doing lab work, which is a bonus for her people, because it meant she understands how long it takes to get good, reliable data.

We spent a lot of time talking about CoolNewTechnology and it's applicability to the kind of experiments we do and how it might be modified. I am lukewarm about CoolNewTechnology, in part, because I think there is this mob mentality about newtechnology, where instead of question or hypothesis driven research, it creates technology driven research. Anyway, she told me about this experiment she wants to run and we discussed some of the experimental design. I recounted some of my analysis that I was running for the manuscript and she thought that it was a really cool way to approach the data. And then she said to me, "You are a smartypants, aren't you. I think you should present this at our joint lab meeting. This is the kind of thing that people would appreciate." And here is where Girlpostdoc left the room and enter in her place, O ye of bloated ego.

Then the conversation veered towards how HippieHusband was doing. She is the first faculty to ask about him. She asked about his job situation and I told her that he had had 5 phone interviews over the last month. I think she was a little surprised, but really, this should be no surprise. This is a guy who came away from his PhD with 10 publications - he's one smart cookie. I watched her facial expression betrayed her mind as she played connect the dots. Then as the picture emerged her words leapt out of her mouth, "What does that mean for you?"

"Well, we are package. So if he finds something or I find something, we will leave."

"That's a disaster," she said jumping up from her chair and turning to the door. "Not for you, but this is a disaster for Dr.Add'EmUp. I want the best for the two of you and I hope that you can find something somewhere together, but this is really bad news for him." She came back towards my desk and leaned in closer. "Have you been looking too?"

I nodded.

"Does Dr.Add'EmUp know?"

I explained that we spoke about this but that he didn't say much when I told him.

"Have you thought about working in separate places?" she asked eagerly.

"Yes, but it's not an option. A long time ago when we started on this journey, we decided that where one goes the other goes too," I answered.

"I understand. I can see being separated for a few months but not much longer. This is really bad news, how's he going to run the lab?" she asked, as she ran her hands through her dark hair. Walking to the door, she turned back to me and shook her head, "He can't run the lab he doesn't even know what happens in the lab does he?"

I looked up at her and replied, "Each week at our lab meeting, I explain what I'm doing and the experiments we have run that week. Then I tell him what tasks the undergraduates are doing. I don't know if he understands how each of the small experiments fit into the long term goal or the why behind the techniques."

"Yes but he doesn't have any experience working in a lab and you need hands on lab experience to run a lab. What's he going to do?"

Quietly, I said, "Well from what I can tell, he's preoccupied with a grant that is due soon."

Eventually, GuruofSmallThings realized she had a meeting and dashed off. During our conversation, I have to say I felt a palpable satisfaction because finally, yes finally, someone acknowledged how I've been feeling all along.

But now that it has been said out loud, I feel bad. I feel bad for Dr.Add'EmUp. And I feel this odd loyalty. Despite some of his shortcomings, he's one of the good guys.