I met with my supervisor on Wednesday and he told me the undergrad that I've started supervising is feeling a little overwhelmed and feels pushed just a little too hard by me.
I'm turning into an asshole. This is one of the disadvantages of "growing up" in the academic environment of LargeUniversityInCanada - I have become way too intense.
Our undergraduate, CakeBakertoAnimals, I call her this because apparently she is a professional cake baker and wants to go to Vet School. The lab experience, is just that; research experience that will help her get into Vet school. I actually don't think that that's a bad thing. With the lack of available jobs for PhD graduates, it's a smart thing to try and get education that will lead to a job. It's great if she wants to do Vet school. More power to her. But unconciously I think I resent this choice.
The week before we left for BigCity, Canada, I had her start her own experiments. I gave her some simple things at first just to see if she had good "lab hands." When it was clear that she worked really hard and well, I thought I would tie one of her experiments to mine. This was a big mistake. I was relying on her to do one part before I could do mine.
The experiments were time sensitive, which meant that to get out of the lab at a reasonable hour, I needed to start pretty early in the morning. She was late to start. I had given her a paper to read and she didn't read it. When she did get into the lab, the experiment started late so it required that someone stay and stop the experiment. When I asked her about staying to finish up her experiment, her answer was a little wishy washy. All of this made me frustrated and I remember thinking - it's because she's just not dedicated enough.
Whoa nelly. Who invited the asshole to dinner.
Apparently, I have forgotten what it is like to be an undergrad in second year and I want her to be as crazy as me.
The paper I gave her to read, well, I laugh now when I think about it, but even a fourth year undergrad with a specialization in my area would have difficulty. I realize I have to start right back at the basics. She has only had first year biology which means that everything is new.
I immediately apologized to the student and told her that she needs to tell me when I'm being crazy and I promised I wouldn't bite (well unless I get rabies).
I'm starting to appreciate just how hard supervising really is. I guess you do your best and hope that the trauma you inflict is minimal. Kinda like parenting.
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4 comments:
Yikes. Kind of bad for you that she went to your supervisor first instead of you directly. I would make sure she knows that's not the correct way to do things.
That said, yes, I understand sometimes we have unrealistic expectations when we see that someone has a little talent.
But yeah, I wouldn't ever put a student on something I needed done for my own project. They're MUCH slower than we are. We don't even realize how much progress we've made, but I'm probably 10x faster than my student is at everything- pipetting, pouring, measuring, nevermind reading.
Live and learn. It's good that you're aware of it now before you turn into, you know, Psycho PI Person.
Yeah, I agree. We had a meeting and I explained to her it would be best if she spoke with me directly.
I think the main thing that will prevent anyone from turning into a Psycho PI person is if they can acknowledge when they make mistakes!
It's not even just the acknowledgment. That's not enough. You also need the self-awareness to catch yourself when you're crossing the line and the willingness to change to prevent yourself from doing it again.
Let's take my PsychoPI for example.
1. Is there self-awareness? NO.
2. When I point out things that shouldn't have happened at all, there is acknowledgment, sometimes even apology.
3. Does that fix anything? NO. I don't want apologies! Apologies are empty and meaningless! What I want is ACTION.
4. Does it happen again? OF COURSE.
5. Am I astounded that this person has had generations of postdocs and treated us all like dirt and we're supposed to eat it and like it? YES.
It's amazing to me how the cycle just continues on. I have to wonder how many of the former postdocs of my lab REALLY acknowledge how fucked up it is. My bet is on their denial.
It's true - and I wonder how much of how we learn to behave comes from watching our supervisors. The supervisors abuse and disavow any knowledge of their stupidity. We watch and, like kids imitating their abusive parents, perpetuate this type of behaviour.
I can't understand a supervisor whose head is stuck so far up their asse that they can't for a moment see what's going on. How frustrating for you.
Self-awareness is work. I find by blogging that I think more analytically about people and situations. Hopefully this means, I am unlikely to repeat the mistakes of my elders.
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